Not wanting to sacrifice another evening beyond Wednesday this week, I came home from work again going straight to bed and this time, diving into plastic containers of pre-washed jalapenos and pre-peeled garlic. Aaaaah! I didn’t remember it burning quite so bad and I started to doubt my recollection that it had actually helped, although there is something about that heat sensation which, even if just as a distraction, is undeniably more pleasant than the feeling of being sick. After a couple of hours talking back to the TV with my inner Sheniqua, I happened to sing a little (you, know just little random phrases from random songs, a capella while peeing or fast forwarding, like you do…) and noticed that my nasal passages, my whole head actually, felt much clearer. Thank God!
I need to be at work and feeling healthy and productive so I can impress my boss (who’s buying me a new computer) enough to secure a decent raise at the end of the year so I can make this new living alone/paying the rent by myself situation work when my roommate moves out in November so I can redo my apartment and feel like an adult and spend more time in my nice home thinking about stuff so I can get started being healthy and quitting smoking and exercising and cooking for myself and get focused on what I want in life and write something more longform, which will hopefully be my next theatrical venture so I can get my whole life back on track. It’s one thing to think like this when I’m laid up and choking – like people finding God on their deathbed, but it’s got to be long-term, slow-and-steady-wins-the-race to really make a change.
I guess my golden-child fantasy of the “Healthy Ben” I want to be is somewhat unrealistic. But it’s always enlightening how it takes me being down for the count to even seriously ponder where I am and where I’m going. And for that, I have to thank “Sick Ben.”
26. September 2009 at 9:14 am
Actually, I think this is your best blog yet.