AKA William

A certain kind of spider, the Brazilian wandering spider. And only if the emergency includes Ryan Kwanten or Jonathan Waud or Tyson Beckford because the side-effects are . . . .

Apparently, the wandering spider’s extremely poisonous venom will either painfully kill you or give you a painfully killer erection. That last hours. And then renders you impotent. But scientists are working on removing some of the, uh, more challenging aspects of the venom and harnessing its Cialis-y potential:

The spider venom also works to increase nitric oxide levels but through a different mechanism.

“We do need more research,” [lead researcher Kenia Pedrosa Nunes] added. “I’m sure it can be a pharmacological tool that may one day be able to help patients who cannot take Viagra.”

“The concept that a venom can have an effect on erection is highly plausible,” said Dr. Arnold Melman, chief of urology at Montefiore Medical Center in New York City. “This is very interesting and exciting, but also very early.”

The Brazilian wandering spider is also one of the biggest spiders in the world. No word on whether the venom is also responsible for that.