“Our Rules” – One Gay Couple’s Written Relationship Contract

This is the best thing I’ve come across all day. One of the writers over on GayDFW received an email from a friend, J, who had recently broken up with his boyfriend. In the email, the friend wrote:

Came across this today. Why did I even give it a chance when we had to spell out 18 rules that should have been obvious? Sheesh, I was stupid!

Attached to the email was the 18 relationship rules the couple had come up with to live by. The both even signed and dated it. Yeah, “Our Rules” is kind of really amazing. Check out #13:

If upset at another, you must give space and time, if needed, but the person cannot leave the property.

And #1:

If either of us uses Grindr / hook-up methods, it is only with the explanation to the other person that we are in a relationship and only looking for mutual friends to both hang out with

And #12:

We both must compliment the other once per day minimum.

And #7:

E and J are each allowed two nights per week to themselves with these stipulations:
- The two nights are not consecutive

Okay, sure, it sounds like E and J broke up. But here’s the thing — these really are rules to live by. J wrote, “Why did I even give it a chance when we had to spell out 18 rules that should have been obvious?” Sometimes in the middle of a relationship doing the best thing for the relationship isn’t always that obvious. Simply stated, this list is the embodiment of a sweet promise to not take each other for granted. “Our List” is the best relationship advice I’ve come across in a long time.

Check out the full list below:

Our Rules

1. If either of us uses Grindr / hook-up methods, it is only with the explanation to the other person that we are in a relationship and only looking for mutual friends to both hang out with

2. No one in [location] can know E lives in J’s apartment and/or that we are working on our problems.

3. J and E must equally contribute to household chores. We will make a schedule to ensure this happens and we no longer live in a pigsty.

4. Dog walking will be done by E in the morning and J at night. If more than twice per day, each will walk 1 dog that time.

5. J is allowed 1 hour maximum per day on the computer at home.

6. Don’t use Mark as an “ear” for our problems because we both agree he is two-faced.

7. E and J are each allowed two nights per week to themselves with these stipulations:
- The two nights are not consecutive
- If going out alone, it cannot be to a nightclub or gay bar

8. Take about 30 minutes per day to discuss with each other how the other is feeling and/or their day’s events or important news.

9. You (each person) must clean up after themselves, i.e. take dishes to kitchen & rinse, clean up after cooking, throw trash made away.

10. We must have sex at least three to four times per week. If one person does not want to on that occasion, they must give a legitimate reason why.
Valid Reasons:
- Had a crappy day
- Too drunk
- Upset (specifically only grief-related)
-An excuse cannot be given twice in a calendar week (Sunday – Saturday)

11. When parting company to go to work, run an errand, or in general leave the property we live on, we must tell each other bye and let the person know that they are loved, even if we are mad or upset.

12. We both must compliment the other once per day minimum.

13. If upset at another, you must give space and time, if needed, but the person cannot leave the property.

14. We must work out three times per week minimum together.

15. Unless it is your selected night out, we must go to bed together.

16. We must have one “date night” per week, even if it is a free activity.

17. Dogs need to be on a regular feeding & walking schedule and we will walk them both together for about 20-30 minutes every day.

18. No cheating.

Signed and agreed to on the 29th of July, 2010.

Check out the other handwritten pages over on GayDFW.

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3 Responses to ““Our Rules” – One Gay Couple’s Written Relationship Contract”

  1. Reggie
    November 21, 2010 at 12:56 pm #

    what i wanna know is what the two-faced guy thinks of this list

  2. libhomo
    November 24, 2010 at 6:41 am #

    The only gay male relationships that last are open ones. The dishonest pretenses behind “monogamous” relationships destroy them.

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