New Website “STFU Gays” Thinks Irony Excuses Homophobia

avatarThe people behind the new site STFU Gays have somehow deluded themselves into thinking that mocking gay people is super cool when they acknowledge that they are making fun of gay people. From their “about” section:

Hey, we’re tolerant people. We celebrate the diversity of cultures online. But you know what? Sometimes there’s a gay man on your Facebook and he is just being TOO GAY. Please. Stop being so gay. We love you without you needing to feel like you gotta be all gay up in our faces.

Examples of the site’s posts:

(Featuring a video of a singer) Careful—this might be too gay. Fortunately, this singer has not admitted to his homosexuality yet, so maybe that will shield you.

(About a facebook update of a man who said “good morning”) If another man smiles at you, he is flirting. I don’t care if he was a greeter at Walmart. No one is nice for free. Better start dropping trou.

I would have just ignored this site if Queerty hadn’t, inexplicably, posted it on its site as “Queerty Approved.”

One of the Queerty editors wrote about STFU Gays, “What do blogs like these represent? That all stereotypes are rooted in truth. And they’re hysterical.

Oh, hell no.

Look, I’m all for poking fun at self-absorbed behavior, gay and straight. But STFU gays isn’t about that — instead the people who created it hide behind (literally — the photo of its creator has a white ninja mask covering his face) a bitchy irony that they suppose will excuse and explain their homophobia.

It doesn’t.

You know what this is like? This is like when that obnoxious friend of a friend says to you, “You’re a fucking fat loser . . . just kidding!

Why don’t these morons write to, say, Steven Harmon, and tell him, “Hey, you got gay-bashed because you’re TOO GAY! You got up in someone’s face with your gayness and deserved it! Just kidding!

Disgusting.

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15 Responses to “New Website “STFU Gays” Thinks Irony Excuses Homophobia”

  1. STFU Gay Dude
    August 27, 2009 at 1:40 pm #

    Some corrections to your article:

    –I don’t think that irony excuses homophobia. That is speculation on your part, presented as analysis.
    –I am not affiliated with STFU Marrieds or STFU Parents. Neither site is affiliated with the other, either.
    –You have decontextualized both of my posts and made it look like I’m reaching for material without cause.

    I clearly listed my email address on my site. Why wouldn’t you contact me to get some quotes, or at least to get your facts straight? This is lazy journalism, and your outrage doesn’t excuse that. I would be more than willing to discuss the issue. I’ve again listed my email for you so perhaps you can contact me instead of barking about how you hate what I’ve done?

  2. Michael Murphy
    August 27, 2009 at 1:54 pm #

    To me the site looks like it’s more about ridiculing those gays that’ve internalized society’s minstrel-show depiction of gay men as self-absorbed, shallow, $ pop-culture obsessed. The people it features are often guilty of intentionally embodying a stereotype & defending it as somehow superior to others’ behavior. They’re the kind of guy that will threaten to “revoke your gay card” if you’re not obsessed with Britney or yelling “OMG” over some musical. They’re the ones that have reduced themselves to a one-note joke at the expense of the LGBT community at large and they deserve the scorn STFUGays is heaping on them.

  3. AKAWilliam
    August 27, 2009 at 2:00 pm #

    @STFU Gay Dude

    1) If you don’t believe that irony excuses homophobia, then what is your site about? Making fun of gay people for being “too gay” is entirely different from making fun of self-obsessed and silly people. As you must know, self-obsession and silliness are not limited to gay people.

    2) My apologies for linking you to STFU Marrieds and STFU Parents. I misunderstood the use of the word “inspired.” I will update my post immediately.

    3) I did not de-contextualize your posts. I grabbed two random ones and then posted them here on AKA William. I also linked back to your site so that my readers could see, and decide, for themselves.

    4) While your email is clearly listed on your site, it is not your personal email. Also, in your profile you are wearing a white ninja mask, which obscures everything but your eyes.

    Listen, I write all day about the horrors that gay people experience for being “too gay.” Did you see my post today about Shawn Bennett, the Michigan man who was attacked, beaten, had rocks shoved into his ears, and then burned a dozen times with cigarettes? Want to know why he was attacked? For being “too gay.”

    And you have the nerve to post this proudly at the top of your website:

    “Hey, we’re tolerant people. We celebrate the diversity of cultures online. But you know what? Sometimes there’s a gay man on your Facebook and he is just being TOO GAY. Please. Stop being so gay. We love you without you needing to feel like you gotta be all gay up in our faces.”

    I don’t know if you are gay and believe you are just so above it all that you believe you have license to write such things, or if you are straight and are completely clueless. Either way, you should be ashamed of yourself.

  4. pork
    August 27, 2009 at 2:13 pm #

    atta boy, william.
    “STFU Gay Dude” is obviously an ignorant amateur that still doesn’t understand that defining ‘gay’ these days is too difficult to be able to appreciate his stupid ‘what is gayer?’ scenarios.

    Gross.
    His site just grossed me out.

  5. AKAWilliam
    August 27, 2009 at 2:16 pm #

    @Michael

    Here’s the thing — all kinds of shallow people embody stereotypes. Ridicule ridiculous people? Sure! But since when did one’s sexuality have anything at all to do with how vapid one is?

    That’s where the problem is — why is the focus of a site like STFU Gays about sexuality at all when so, so, so many people, gay and straight, are guilty of being obsessed with money, pop culture, and themselves?

  6. STFU Gays Contributor
    August 27, 2009 at 2:20 pm #

    Do you honestly think that STFU Gays inspires anti-gay violence? Please, Mary…

    It’s a site run by a gay. The contributors are gays. The readers are gays. The sort of folks who are inclined to beat up the gays… they do not read sites like STFU Gays.

  7. STFU Gay Dude
    August 27, 2009 at 2:25 pm #

    1) My site is about making fun of gay people on Facebook or on the internet who go balls to the wall with being gay. It’s not meant to be taken seriously. I’ve actually had friends make me put some of my own status updates on the site because they’ve said it’s too gay. It’s not meant to be taken seriously because there’s no such thing as a set way that gay men act. Did you know that cats really do not wonder if they can has cheeseburger too?

    2) Much appreciated.

    3) Yes you did, and much in the way that Ann Coulter uses endnotes instead of footnotes, it’s misleading. It paints a picture of my jokes being made for frivolous reasons. A screencap or direct link would as least be less misleading.

    4) Uh, who cares? It’s still a way to talk to me. It’s shoddy journalism not to contact the source. And when you make wild accusations of homophobia (which really just cheapens the actual term), you better damn well be sure you’re sure.

    Shawn Bennett was attacked because there are assholes in this world who believe that their point of view is the only way, and they believe that they can violently enforce that point of view. He was not attacked for being too gay. He was attacked for being gay. He could have been a beer-swilling NASCAR-loving gay, or he could have been a Chardonnay-and-brie-cheese gay. Point is, he was different. That’s why he was bashed. To conflate what they did with what I’m doing cheapens what happened to poor Shawn Bennett. Don’t you dare act like making silly jokes about self-absorbed dicks online–some of whom have advocated violent acts against people for being ugly, fat, or unfashionable–with a violent, senseless act. There’s no comparing.

  8. AKAWilliam
    August 27, 2009 at 2:26 pm #

    @STFU Gays Contributor

    This is your defense? Not that the content is objectionable, but that those reading it won’t be inspired to violence? Since when is the internet so able to be monitored? And, STFU Gays makes no mention whatsoever that it is run by gay people. How is the random person who stumbles upon the site supposed to differentiate the gay “mock” homophobia and the “real” homophobia?

    Oh, and you don’t think gay people can incite others to homophobia? I’m certain there are a few Senators and Congressmen who would disagree with you.

  9. AKAWilliam
    August 27, 2009 at 2:36 pm #

    @STFU Gay Dude

    I’m sure someone will thank you, as a gay man, for setting limits on how gay is too gay, for mocking not self-absorbed behavior generally but homosexuality specifically. But that someone won’t be me.

    Thank you for taking the time to write and comment.

  10. Michael Murphy
    August 27, 2009 at 2:38 pm #

    AKAWilliam,

    Back and forth:

    “Here’s the thing — all kinds of shallow people embody stereotypes. Ridicule ridiculous people? Sure! But since when did one’s sexuality have anything at all to do with how vapid one is?”

    When young men are intentionally embodying a damaging stereotype in order to “fit in” to the disturbingly comic role society has seen fit to set aside for people of their sexuality.

    “That’s where the problem is — why is the focus of a site like STFU Gays about sexuality at all when so, so, so many people, gay and straight, are guilty of being obsessed with money, pop culture, and themselves?”

    The focus of STFUGays is on sexuality because the focus of the people it ridicules is, spoken or not, on their own sexual orientation. Specifically the focus is on a socially-constructed identity that has accrued to what should be a simple gender preference. When people are actively conflating their own sexual orientation with peripheral attributes like taste in clothes then they are making the conversation about their sexuality. I don’t think SFUGays is doing a disservice to the gay community by shining a light on people who intentionally cheapen their sexual identity with the kind of vapid, narcissistic behavior that they feel is expected of gays.

  11. STFU Gays Contributor
    August 27, 2009 at 2:39 pm #

    Frankly, I don’t see how STFU Gays would appeal to anyone with a homophobic inclination, and I give most people credit for being able to distinguish a tongue in cheek statement from a hateful one when they read it. Clearly I give too much credit in some cases.

    I never suggested that gay people can’t incite homophobia any more than I suggested that black people can’t incite racism.

    A black man making a fried chicken joke probably never got anybody lynched, and a gay man mocking somebody’s Britney obsession is probably not going to get anybody gay bashed.

    Avoiding humor, one of the real pleasures of life, out of a concern that somebody somewhere may take it the wrong way is a pretty poor way to live. Laugh wherever and whenever you can.

  12. pork
    August 27, 2009 at 2:57 pm #

    [Ed. note: this comment is addressed to STFU Gay Dude]

    “My site is about making fun of gay people”

    and that’s why i’ll never be there again. any kind of qualifier or modifier doesn’t excuse it. saying “It’s a site run by a gay. The contributors are gays.” doesn’t give any of you a license to be reckless. To guess that “The readers are gays. The sort of folks who are inclined to beat up the gays… they do not read sites like STFU Gays.” is completely unsubstantiated and uncontrollable.
    you think creating a site of page after page of “making fun of gay people’ is going to do some good?
    i don’t know how ‘gay’ you all are, but i do know how ‘disgusting.’

  13. AKAWilliam
    August 28, 2009 at 7:46 am #

    @Michael Murphy

    I am with you on the loathing the use of stereotypes of gay men as clowns.

    However, it’s the use of those stereotypes — and not the stereotypes themselves — that is dangerous. Who cares if some silly young man wants to act like a clown? More power to him.

    The problem, and the danger, arise when a pre-defined behavior is forced on us, not by the young man, but by an outside audience that would control or demean us to its own end through the use of . . . stereotypes. How? By telling us what is appropriate behavior. And by telling us what is not appropriate behavior.

    And this is exactly where the STFU Gays overlaps with so many other homophobes.

    Know what I’d love? I’d love for a silly young man to be able to walk around Alabama wearing a pink ascot, a unicorn t-shirt, lavender capris with his hair in pigtails while throwing glitter and chatting about Britney — with no one at all caring. Or telling him he’s “too gay.”

  14. Leigha
    January 11, 2010 at 12:50 am #

    First let me say I am a big fan of stfu parents, marrieds, beleivers and twilighters. I love these STFU tumblr sites and I look for others that pop up now and then. STFU Gays does not belong anywhere. They do not have the same kind of content. They try way too hard and nothing they post is funny. Especially their own comments. They are simply low class and stupid.

    Also, On all of the popular and well run STFU sites the people who are submitted are protected. Part or all of their names are hidden or cut and most of the time the avatars are gone too. This site does NONE of that. Again just piss poor management and bad taste. Especially when they post links to other sites the victims belong too. That does not belong on any site.

    The place hasn’t even hit 100 fans on facebook and hardly anyone comments there. Its all in all a big failure and not because it has to do with Gays. Its the hidden homophobia & high school mentality that shines through. Not to mention the lynch mob mentality of never protecting the people submitted. Even Lamebook does that!

    I am not gay, I am married to the opposite sex so don’t think I am just a hurt gay person (which they have every right to be). I seriously think this site is horribly run and done in really bad taste.

    That’s my opinion, from a big fan of STFU sites. This one should take it’s own advice and STFU.

    Leigha

  15. Anonymous
    July 5, 2012 at 3:20 am #

    GET OVER IT!

    You gays make yourselves look bad by posting fail, & this is a free country where we are free to express our opinions, including on the Internet. So grow a pair, lose your skirt, & quit posting fail on facebook, & GET OVER IT!!! It’s your own damn fault, so deal with it.

    And by the way, disagreeing with a lifestyle choice doesn’t make a person “homophobic”, it makes them HUMAN! So quit calling reasonable open-minded educated people “homophobes” just because they think your buttsex is gross. No one is forcing you to accept what we heteros do in our beds, so quit forcing everyone to accept your lifestyles. We don’t have to, so just deal with it.

    STFU GAYS

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