AKA William

I really don’t have a problem with the way he came out. It sounds like he’s had his own personal struggle with coming to terms with his sexuality. Sexuality isn’t always a clearcut path and if he chooses to term himself “queer”, I’m fine with that. In the full article, he explains that he picked the word queer because he didn’t want to deny his history, which includes relationships with women. He also says that while he was in those relationships something just “wasn’t right” but does not deny an attraction to the women (thus precluding him from just labelling himself as “gay”).
Personally, when someone comes out, I don’t think we should give them grief over the term they identify with. Perhaps we should spend our time being supportive rather than catty.
As for the “out” scenario in the workplace, that can be very tricky. I live in rural North Carolina and, while I am out at my current workplace, I have worked at places where my job would have been history the second someone found out about my sexuality. Coming out is a decision that each person should make and choose the best path for them, hopefully being as true to themselves as possible.

I totally agree with Richard. If we keep throwing fits about the way every single actor handles coming out of the closet–claiming they’ve done so cowardly, or too late, or what have you– we’re only making ‘coming out’ that much less appealing. We already have the rest of the world looking at us cross-eyed. Why not show some support for our queer brothers and sisters? Everyone is on their own journey. Give people time to get to where they’re going before you talk shit about the way they’re walking.

Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely believe that coming out needs to be done on one’s own terms. It’s too important to do otherwise. But Urie’s arguments for not actually coming out hold no merit — he thinks calling himself “gay” or “bi” erases his past? Beyond that, and more importantly, he is actively encouraging young people to stay in the closet. That is just not acceptable.

I know firsthand what it’s like to be fired for being gay. And I know firsthand the importance of standing up against that bigotry. Urie, whether his intends to or not, is encouraging people who look up to him to allow that bigotry flourish.

Again, if here were a “queer” politician urging gay young men who aspired to be politicians to not come out because doing so would ruin their careers, we would be outraged.

It does remind me a little of this:

“It depends what your definition of ‘is’ is.”

“…more importantly, he is actively encouraging young people to stay in the closet. That is just not acceptable.”

I think you’re giving him more power than he deserves. No one person ever had that kind of influence over me when I was contemplating being more open about my sexuality. (I don’t term my own experience as “coming out of the closet” because I don’t wear it on my sleeve — no rainbow flags, no HRC sticker on my car, no pink-triangle decals, and I don’t really make a point to talk about it unless people want to.) Each person is driven not only by those around them, but by their individual life circumstances — and if that means it’s best for them to remain closeted, then who are we to say it’s a bad decision for them? I have friends in the hills of West Virginia — if they were to be out and open about it, they’ve told me in no uncertain terms that they’d risk their lives for doing so. For them, it’s not worth it. They’re happy, so why spoil it?

Sometimes I think we as gay urban professionals live in ivory towers, forgetting what it’s like for 80% of the gay population out there. And I include myself in that group. I live in Columbus, Ohio, which is an extremely gay-friendly city and has a large glbt community. I can walk down High Street holding the hand of my boyfriend and no one bats an eye. Most don’t have that luxury. So let’s not assume that coming out is best for every gay person out there, because sometimes it’s not.

Whoa. Soapbox. Sorry. Didn’t mean to go on for that much. :P LOL

I don’t think he’s encouraging young people to stay in the closet. After reading his interview, his point seems to be that it may be a more difficult decision for some actors in Hollywood based on the perception they have fostered. Hollywood is a perception-business and many actors make their marks by appearing as a masculine, straight man that other masculine, straight men can identify with. For those actors, there would be distinct consequences for coming out that Urie recognizes.
Again, I think the best thing for us as a community to do when someone comes out is to be supportive of them and let them know that they have a place in our community. Unfortunately, it seems we often pick them apart rather than trying to encourage them (and thus others) with their coming out.

William, you seem to be taking a beating here….

I personally don’t really have much to add here. I complete see a point to everything you’re saying with the post and also what everyone has said with their comments. This is one of those subject no one is going to agree on because it will always be different for each individual. When Urie sort of refuse to identify as gay I rolled my eyes at the same time I felt it wasn’t my business but his. Do I think his choice of words send the wrong message to the youth? yes, in may ways. Do I think he has a right to come out in his own terms and not be pressure to state one or the other or label himself something? yes he does.

In the NY Mag interview with Urie, the one that first prompted me to write about him, Urie volunteered details of his dog’s diarrhea. Urie then responded to the interviewer’s question about his sexuality with: “I really think this article should be about The Temperamentals [the play he was promoting].”

Diarrhea? Perfect topic for an interview about his new gay-themed play. Urie’s own sexuality, which could help illuminate his understanding of the character? Too personal!

Then in this most recent Advocate interview, he claims that calling himself “gay” would erase his past while also warning aspiring actors that coming out will ruin their careers. He says this in America’s most well-established LGBT publication, the one that played an enormous part in helping all LGBT people live better lives, the publication that gave many people the courage to call themselves gay for the first time.

Urie is right, though — his sexuality is his business. I also agree that coming out should be on his terms. But if this is what he’s going to do, then he should keep his fumblings to himself until he is certain that his words won’t cause any damage. He’s not comfortable calling himself “gay?” Okay, work it out, do what you have to do to feel good about yourself — privately. But talking to the Advocate and telling every person who reads it that coming out isn’t as important as one’s career? He may have the right to say that, but he’s morally wrong for doing so.

Dude! Seriously?

WHY do they HAVE to tell EVERYONE they are gay.

I of course think that you shouldn’t be ashamed to be gay.
But I’m tired to hear this bullshit that super-pro-gay activist are saying left and right like the fact that coming out SUPPOSEDLY is the greatest thing you could ever do for yourself and if you don’t do it you’re a shameful gay.

If someone asks me if I’m gay , I won’t lie , but I don’t feel the need to say it left and right to people who don’t wanna know because that would be pretty bloody obnoxious .

And YES , coming out CAN be harmful if you don’t consider your situation.

If coming out to your boss might costs you a career you worked hard to get , then I think it is wise to think about it for a while before stupidly blurting it out as you go around expresing your gayness.

@Map Dark,

Here’s the thing — why should gay people cater to homophobia? If your boss would fire you for being gay, then why are you working for him?

Whatever gets people to your site, right? Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but at the core of it all, you don’t actually think that his sexuality is his own business. OBVIOUSLY. You’re posting about it, criticizing it, and starting arguments about it.

You’ve decided that he’s “morally wrong” for not coming out in the exact way you wished he would? Really?

Throughout the entire persecution of gays in America, ALL of which is under the guise of “morally wrong,” and THAT is how you describe the way someone comes out. How progressive and forward thinking of you…

But that’s not the point is it? The point is to start arguments and get people to the site, right? Is it working? I hope it’s working… because you look like a fool.

If you had read what I wrote in the post, you would have seen that I am all for people coming out on his or her own terms. What I find astounding is that Michael Urie claims that saying he is gay will somehow destroy his past. Here is a gay man who — while he’s out shilling his play and furthering his career — says that telling people you are gay is a bad thing. That is indefensible.