“Channing Tatum’s penis is gross. It looks like a hot dog that’s been left too long on the grill.”

In an lengthy interview in the new issue of Details, Channing Tatum talks about accidentally cooking his penis with boiling water while on the set of The Eagle of the Ninth in Scotland.

Olkay, yeah, the quotation looks a bit long below, but we’re talking about Channing Tatum talking about his penis here.

Channing Tatum’s penis is gross. It looks like a hot dog that’s been left too long on the grill. The tip is hot-pink, singed, and shriveled. It appears angry. And it’s painful to view. My penis hurts just from looking at it. Movie stars tend to be vain, by nature and profession, but Chan—that’s what everyone calls him—does not mind one bit showing me his sad, withered wiener.

“It was the most painful thing I have ever experienced in my life,” he says, flipping through photos on his iPhone until he lands on a grainy snapshot of a scorched member. His scorched member. “I’m good . . . now,” he says with a grin. “Now my penis is fantastic! One hundred percent recovered. Put me back in the game, Coach.” Tatum’s no nancy boy: When not on set, the former high-school-football standout, who did all his own stunts in a movie aptly titled Fighting, spends most of his time in his basement gym, engaged in ball-bruising mixed-martial-arts workouts. “I’ve been to the hospital, gotten stitches, had broken fingers and toes. But this was a suffocating kind of pain.”

. . . Tatum was pretend-soldiering one raw, wet October day in the Scottish Highlands. The action required him to wade in ice-cold water, which, despite a high-tech wetsuit, could be withstood for only a few minutes. “The only way to keep warm was by pouring a mix of boiling water and river water down your suit. We were finally done shooting for the day, and one of the crew guys asks if I want to warm up before I go. I’m like, Nah, I’m good. And then I thought, Why not? Thing is, he’d forgotten to dilute the kettle water. So he poured scalding water down my suit. And I was trying to pull the suit away from my body to somehow get away from the boiling water, and the more I pulled the suit away, the lower the water went. It just went straight down and pretty much burned the skin off the head of my dick.”

Tatum was rushed to the nearest hospital—an hour away. Before long, the ice pack he was applying to the burn lost its chill. “I said to the driver, who was ex-special-forces Marines, ‘You might have to knock me out, because I don’t know if I can take the pain. Just grab something and hit me on the back of my head.’” Morphine finally KO’d the agony, and a team of doctors salved and bandaged his wound. “I had five guys looking at my shriveled, burned penis,” he says proudly.

Bet you read the whole thing, didn’t you?

And word to Details — do not use the phrase “nancy boy.”

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2 Responses to ““Channing Tatum’s penis is gross. It looks like a hot dog that’s been left too long on the grill.””

  1. Spike
    January 12, 2010 at 11:24 am #

    Ouch ouch ouch!!! :P

  2. Mort
    January 13, 2010 at 12:03 am #

    Before, during and after photos?

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